The Holly and the Arty
by claraowl
Summary: After the holidays, the Fowl manor is stripped of its decorations. Juliet's singing irks Artemis, driving him to meet with Holly somewhere more private. Out in the remains of the barn, Artemis pulls out two leaves, and inquires about an old custom of the People. Holly/Arty oneshot.


**Hello, and welcome to my first AF fic. I own nothing except the concept of 'joining leaves' and my (very) poor excuse for a plot. Please enjoy!**

"Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. 'Tis the season to be jolly, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la," Juliet sang as she pulled the garlands off of the stair rail.

"What have I said about that infernal song?" A crisp, irritated voice demanded from the top of the stairs. Artemis, fuming, descended to stand next to her, resting one hand on the garland.

"Would you prefer a different one?" she inquired mildly, smirking.

"Yes, as I have informed you several times," he spat, "that I simply cannot tolerate that song."

"Fine," Juliet sighed, flicking one end of the garland at the young Master Fowl. "Oh, by gosh, by golly, it's time for mistletoe and Holly –"

"Juliet!"

"You just miss your elfin girlfriend, Artemis," Juliet laughed. "You're sore that she couldn't make it in time for Christmas."

"As you are well aware, Juliet, Holly is not my girlfriend. She is a girl, and she is a friend, but she is not my girlfriend."

Juliet chose to ignore this weak protest, and resumed singing. "Tasty pheasants, Christmas presents, countrysides covered with snow…."

Shaking his head, Artemis brushed past her. After fetching and donning his coat, he forced himself, shivering, to go outside. The snow was falling heavily, the winds whipping fiercely. Stomping his feet to get warm, Artemis made his way to the recently rebuilt barn. He had remembered everything when he was playing a game of chess with Holly two months previously – up to and including his death.

_"Arty, are you awake?" Holly inquired, after he had moved a piece. "That move left your queen wide open." She took his queen._

_ "Ah," Artemis blinked. He'd been so busy worrying about a pawn that he hadn't guarded his queen. He'd… he'd done it again. He abruptly pushed his chair backward, sending the chessboard flying as he clutched at his head. Memories were forcing themselves into his mind like arrows piercing cheap armor – hadn't Holly said that this wasn't supposed to hurt, that they would settle into the blanks between memories?_

_ But he _had_ no blanks between memories. He had nothing but scraps, and the story that Holly was telling him. But this – the queen and the pawn, Holly and Jayjay – this was after the point she'd reached in the story… and so it pierced him, making everything sharp and real, forcing everything into focus. He could hear Holly shouting something, asking what was wrong, calling for Butler – had something gone wrong in the cloning process? – and begging Artemis to remain. He saw her floating hazily in his field of view as the memories rushed in, creating and filling gaps – and then she vanished, the film reel spinning and spinning, bringing him back to his old self. _

_ "Artemis! Artemis!" _

_ The plan made sense, but the cost was too great – or was it just great enough? He had to do it, even if it meant losing it all – but not his queen. He could not lose her again. The world could crash down around him, he could – and would – die, but she could not be harmed. Not again. If only one of them could survive, it had to be her. _

_ He would not trade his queen for a pawn ever again._

_ "Arty…" Holly swam into view above him, Butler next to her. Artemis blinked a few times, but knew better than to attempt to sit up._

_ "I'm sorry, Holly." He blinked a few times, bringing her into focus while Butler checked the vital signs. _

_ Holly blinked. "For what….?"_

_ "I traded my beautiful queen for a furry little pawn."_

_ "The chess set isn't furry, Artemis," she replied, sending an inquiring look at Butler, clearly asking if Artemis's brain had suffered adverse effects. _

_ "I was referring to Jayjay." The impact of that simple sentence was, to a dispassionate onlooker, rather amusing: Both the enormous human and the elf performed spectacular examples of what is known as a jaw-drop, and stared at the recently revived genius with bugged-out eyes. _

_ "Holly, have you told him that part of the story?" Butler inquired, shelving his emotion while he gathered facts._

_ "No," she replied, somewhat shakily. "Are you really back, Arty?"_

_ "As much as I'll ever be," he replied, allowing her to assist his attempts to sit up. "Apparently, if you have no gaps in your memory to be filled, the intrusion of the true memories is rather violent and painful. Remind me to tell Foaly that – it will disprove several of his theories. I look forward to seeing his expression."_

_ Butler stood and left, to alert Mr. and Mrs. Fowl to their son's true return. Holly beamed. "It really _is _you."_

_ "Who did you expect? Mulch Diggums?"_

_ "Great gargoyles, no!"_

_ Artemis sighed, leaning against the leg of his chair. "I really am sorry, though. I dragged you into all of this."_

_ "If you hadn't, Opal would be ruling the world."_

_ "True," he'd chuckled, "there is that."_

_ Holly nodded, staring into his matching eyes, one of hers a mirror of his. She teetered on the edge of speech for a few moments before standing up and turning on her shield. He got to his feet and opened the window for her – and could have sworn that he felt something soft touch his cheek for a fraction of a second before she activated her wings and flew out the window._

Now, Artemis plodded through the snow, grumbling about the cold. He knew that he had to meet her here for privacy, but it was still far too cold for his liking. Why couldn't her day off have been warmer? Muttering grumpily, he pushed the barn door open, revealing a partially-rebuilt air vehicle. "I have arrived, Holly."

"I guessed that, funnily enough," Holly beamed, switching off her shield. "Your visibility kind of tipped me off."

"Tipped you off of what? Your sanity perch?" he replied, shutting the barn door behind him. "Because, my dear Captain, that happened long before we met."

"How are you so sure about that?" she smirked, hovering at his eye level.

"The simple facts in your file, of course."

"Been hacking into Foaly's precious folders again, have we?"

"Of course I have. Did you expect anything less of me?"

"No, not really," she admitted, alighting on the wing of the nearby air vehicle. "Why my file, though?"

"I assure you, it was purely academic." Artemis leaned against the air vehicle, very close to her.

"What did you find, Mud Boy?" she replied, swinging a leg in his direction.

"Nothing too incriminating," he shrugged, catching her foot and examining it. "You really should be more careful at social gatherings, though. There were some rather interesting pictures of you at a certain elf's last Christmas party."

"I was dancing."

"Ah. In that case, I suggest taking dance lessons." He released her foot.

"I hope that you're not suggesting that you teach me."

"Of course not. You know full well that I am about as coordinated as a drunken troll."

"Don't be ridiculous; compared to you, drunken trolls are ballerinas." Before Artemis could reply, she added, "Oh – and I have something for you. Happy Christmas, Arty."

Artemis nodded, pulling her present out of his pocket. "Likewise, Holly."

They exchanged the small parcels, and smirked upon opening them: Holly had, once again, given Artemis a pack of lollipops; he had given her a pair of detachable heels for her shoes.

Holly snorted. "Don't tell me that the great mind of Artemis Fowl the Second couldn't come up with anything cleverer than a height joke?"

"Yes, but I chose to be kind, as opposed to a certain elf who will never let me forget a single lapse in my comeback supply," Artemis smiled humorlessly, pocketing the lollipops – which he had actually grown to like, despite what he told Holly… but that's another story.

"It's so amusing, though."

"Moving on," Artemis intoned, clearing his throat, "I had another reason for inviting you here today, Holly."

"Why do I suddenly have an extremely ominous feeling?" she inquired teasingly, examining her new heels.

"That is probably because you know me far too well," Artemis replied. "Actually, there is very little risk involved this time."

"This time," Holly snorted.

Ignoring this and clearing his throat again, Artemis inquired, "Holly, would you like to join leaves with me?"

Holly's grin froze on her face, and she blinked slowly. "Are you serious?"

Perhaps now would be a good time to explain the People's concept of asking someone to join leaves. In its simplest translation, it's equivalent to asking someone to wear your pin. In the longer, more complex translation, it a fairy custom used to both confess love and test a potential couple's compatibility. The two beings take one leaf each – two different types, according to the being's name or personality. However, as it requires magic, this custom was never adopted by the Mud People; hence Holly's confusion.

"Yes, I am quite serious, Holly," Artemis replied, pulling an envelope out of the breast pocket of his suit. "Is that a yes or a no?"

She replied, "Will it even work?"

"Mandrakes and rice wine, Holly," Artemis smiled, offering her the envelope. "They work on the Mud People, too."

"Fine, Mud Boy," she smirked, "dazzle me."

"I intend to."

"Orion, leave. I want to talk to Arty, not you."

"This is Artemis, Holly," he replied calmly. "I decided that, as I am now of age – well, I can't really be sure, but I probably am by now – I might as well follow his lead in a slightly more refined way."

"Really? We make it through Opal's apocalyptic plans alive and you choose to bring about the true apocalypse?" Holly smirked, snitching the envelope from his fingers and slitting it open. She shook it, causing two leaves to fall into her hand. "A holly leaf – how original – and a laurel leaf. These represent us, I take it?"

"Yes; my laurel leaf is my 'superior intellect' –"

"– that's not narcissistic at all –"

"—and your Holly leaf is your 'defense,' 'hope,' and 'eternal life.'" He paused. "I realize what I am asking, just by asking you to try this; if it responds positively on both of our parts, I may be cursing you, as you will outlive me. If you wish to rip up the leaves now, I will not blame you."

"Shut up and take your leaf, Arty," Holly snapped. "I'd like to get this over with."

"Lovely," came the sarcastic reply, "so glad that you've fully grasped the pressure of the moment."

"Like you're any sort of expert concerning romance," Holly spat back.

"I'll have you know that I've written several highly acclaimed romance novels under a pseudonym," he huffed, taking his laurel leaf and holding it by the base.

"That doesn't count for anything," she smirked, taking her namesake leaf by the base and touching its tip to Artemis's. "There are thousands of excellent romance stories on the web written by people who have never even been fancied by another being."

"Have you even read my novels?" Artemis inquired, quirking an eyebrow at her.

Holly's cheeks gained a light shade of rose. "The occurrences seemed uncomfortably familiar, but I think that you over-romanticized the hero's death sequence in your latest novel."

"Really? The critics loved it, and I thought that it was rather well-done."

"Of course you did – it was yours."

"Precisely: It was well-planned and well-executed," he stated smugly.

"Yes, well-executed," Holly scoffed, "there was only the minor drawback of you dying."

"Very minor," Artemis agreed, and smiled. "Shall we?"

"If it'll shut you up for a few moments, then yes."

"Three… two… one," he murmured, and forced the lone spark of magic bouncing around his brain down his arm, out his fingers, and into his leaf – all the while focusing his mind on the elf before him. Holly, who was actually running hot for once, sent one of her sparks on a similar course, focusing on the Mud Boy before her. Part of her was curious as to whether this would actually work; the rest was having difficulty believing that she was actually in this situation. Stockholm syndrome combined with shared trauma made a lovely combination. What fun.

Artemis waited, his breath slightly bated, to see the compatibility results. By any normal standards, the two of them shouldn't be remotely compatible. However, he had reason to hope – however remote that reason may be – that they could take the standards, tie them in a knot, and throw them down Mulch's gullet. He took a moment aside to internally smirk at himself; he sounded far too much like that idiot Orion. He was soon distracted, however, by a change in the small pieces of foliage that he and Holly held.

The veins of the leaves had begun to glow, as if lit from within – obviously by magic, Artemis noted, observing and taking mental notes. The tips of the leaves began curling together, linking them nearly inextricably. The edges of the leaves began to gleam, and then smoke, almost as if there were a fire within; the edges fused. Holly's hand shook; Artemis blinked rapidly. This should not be possible; it was not right, it defied all odds. According to the Book, if the leaves curled together, the couple was compatible as friends; if the leaves fused and glowed, there was mutual love that could only last a short time.

If the leaves did all three things, then the friendship and mutual love would last unto death.

Suddenly, Holly began laughing. Artemis blinked at her inquisitively. "I fail to see what you find amusing."

"I'm doomed," Holly gasped. "I've been doomed since I met you, Arty. And look – there's the final proof!"

The laurel leaf had begun to burn; the two dropped the leaves to avoid burnt fingers, but the holly leaf did not catch fire. Artemis checked his mental records.

"That reaffirms that I'm to die first – technically I'm to 'leaf' first, in the literal translation."

After crinkling her nose at the joke, Holly noted somewhat bitterly, "We could've told them that much – you're a Mud Person and I'm an elf, after all."

Artemis nodded mutely, mulling for a moment. "Well, now we have our answer. Thank you, Holly. Happy belated Christmas." He stooped to pick up the leaves – the laurel leaf still smoldering slightly – and turned to take his leave.

"Arty?"

"Yes, Holly?"

"I think that you might find it to your benefit to look up."

Artemis did so, and made a mental note to give one of his lollipops to Beckett. The more athletic of his two younger brothers had taken it upon himself to decorate the inside roof of the barn – complete with the holiday story cliché, mistletoe. "Ah."

"C'mon, Mud Boy – we don't want the goddess Frigga to get upset, do we?" Holly teased, winking. "It's not like it's your first kiss."

"Yes, you had the pleasure of surprising that one out of me," Artemis smirked, stepping toward her. "What kind of fairy kisses a human right after he's been healed?"

"A fairy who's been thrown back into her adolescent years and was glad that the Mud  
Boy wasn't dead, that's what kind," she replied, shifting her seating slightly. The air vehicle was not overly comfortable to sit on, after all.

"True; I suppose that my life being saved is worth at least one kiss," Artemis smiled, trying and failing miserably to appear remotely roguish.

Holly, giggling at his contorted expression, replied, "Then I believe that you owe me at least two dozen, and Mulch about fifteen."

"Maybe I'll get Mulch a giant bag of potatoes, instead," he suggested, placing one hand on the wing beside Holly's hip.

"Yes, I don't think that you're his type." She leaned forward slightly, imperceptibly to anyone except the two of them – and Foaly's expertly hidden camera, through which many fairies were watching the scene with varying levels of amusement and disgust.

"Really? What was your first clue?" he smirked, slipping the remains of their leaves into the breast pocket of his suit.

"Well, for starters, you bathe," she laughed, slipping her arms around his neck, "and are not a female dwarf."

"That would do it, wouldn't it?" Artemis was having an uncharacteristic amount of difficulty focusing on their conversation; her scent was intoxication itself. He focused enough mental power to guide one of his hands to the small of her back.

"Generally, yes," Holly grinned, and pulled him forward the crucial two and three-eighths inches.

"Oh, by gosh, by golly, it's time for mistletoe and Holly!" Juliet was, of course, still singing that infernal song as she burst most unceremoniously into the barn. "Fancy ties and granny's pies – An' folks stealin' a kiss or two –" she cut herself off abruptly upon seeing the scene before her, and began to search instead for her camera. Clicking away, she whispered, "As they whisper, 'Merry Christmas' to you."

Holly, upon hearing the clicking of a certain Mud Girl's camera, immediately broke away from her Mud Boy and pulled up her shield. Artemis turned to face Juliet's camera. "What have I told you about singing that infernal song?"

"It's true, isn't it?" Juliet beamed, pointing from the mistletoe up above to the hazy patch of air that was Holly. "It was your time for mistletoe and Holly!"

Artemis pushed his palm against his forehead and silently ordered Juliet out of the barn.

"So much for keeping things private," Holly muttered.

Down in Haven, Foaly and his crew had fallen out of their seats with laughter. Neither Artemis nor Holly would ever hear the end of this – that much was assured. Everyone's favorite paranoid centaur made a mental note to ask Juliet for a copy of those pictures, for blackmail purposes.

**Well, that was my first Holly/Arty fic! I hope that the characters didn't become too OoC for your tastes. I did my best, and I hope that you enjoyed it.**

**Please drop me a line to let me know your thoughts! Did you find the Pokémon reference at the beginning?**

**Have a magical day, all my lovely Mud People! XD**


End file.
